Still hoping

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

I know I have read this verse before, I just don't remember it. Last week this verse jumped off the page to me.

Adopting Lily & the long wait has not been God's "Plan B" for our lives. This is His plan. He knew it all, even before the foundations of the earth. God knew -- this is not a surprise to Him. Not getting pregnant has been a surprise to me but certainly not a surprise to the Creator. Having to wait 27+ months since our paperwork got to China is not a surprise to God but it sure has been a shock to me.

Those words, "joyful in hope" really touched a nerve in my heart as we are planning to give Lily the middle name Hope. I have been trying to have joy in each day as I wait for our sweet Lily Hope even while walking through one of the darkest times of life with the illness of my sister-in-law, Roisin. I am starting to realize that Lily will bring some much needed joy at just the right time in our lives. If she were here now I wouldn't be as available for the needs of our family.

On a side note -- China has started matching babies to families for May referrals. My guess is they will get through a few days of paperwork. Maybe through 1/12/06. Wouldn't I be shocked if they got to 1/26/06......a girl can daydream, right?!

China Adoption Forecast

Here is the "weather forecast", so to speak, for China adoptions. Right now China is through processing paperwork up to Jan. 9th, 2006. As you can see from this predictions chart, our date of Jan. 26th is looking like a referral in July.

But don't be fooled into thinking that a July referral might really happen. The past few months China has referred one day worse than horrid case. So although, horrid case has us getting our referral in July, I have to think it will probably be more like August since they have been tracking worse than horrid case. Of course, once we hit August, China is hosting the Olympics (did you hear?). No one really knows how the Olympics will effect the adoption program but my bet is that they will not doing anything for the month of August. Just my bet. Looking more & more like a September referral for us.

Heartbreaking to once again re-adjust my mindset but I have to: no Lily this summer, not even her referral. I just can't let myself get too upset. There is some reason for all of this -- I don't know what it is, I don't understand at this point but God knows & I am continuing to trust in Him.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." Psalm 39:7

Mid-April

Jim & Hannah went away last night for a "Father / Child" retreat with our church. They had a great time while I enjoyed doing a lot of nothing at home. Well, I did hang up a curtain & planted some flowers ... which is a lot more than I have done in 2 weeks since we got home from the East Coast.

I don't understand why I am so tired but everyone says I need to rest from the bell's palsy.... so I am resting, people!

Last night, I attempted to watch another Netflix movie, only to realize I had already seen about 80% of the movie before. What is wrong with me? I need to get better at picking movies I haven't seen when adding to My Queue.

I have no idea what China will do this coming month but for some reason I don't think it will be a lot. I just feel like things are going to get even worse before anything gets better. (Where is my hope?!?!) At this point there are only 17 days of paperwork between us & where China is processing right now. How is it possible that it may take them 3 or 4 more months to get through 17 days of paperwork!?!?!

I am ready to go to China now. Well, I am not really ready but I could be ..... very quickly.

East Coast Trip

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You know something is wrong when ...

Netflix sent me "Seabiscut" in January & just this weekend (April!?!) I sat down to watch it only to realize that I saw it before. Oh my! Has anyone else had this happen?

The left side of my face is still not working. I have a very crooked-crazy loooking smile -- strange since I tend to smile a lot. My left eye won't blink so I am stuck with wearing one contact in the right eye & massive dry eye on the other side. Oh the joys of bell's palsy but I do truly realize things could be much worse. You just have to try to laugh when your face doesn't work.

On the China-adoption front, they are officially through paperwork of 1/9/2006. Oy. I feel my hope diminishing a bit but I think it is because of how I feel and all that is going on in our family.

About a month ago, I ordered a beautiful necklace with the word HOPE in Chinese on the front of a stainless steel heart. It is such a great reminder for me to keep holding on to the hope of our Lily in China. Inscribed on the back of the necklace is: "Hannah and Lily"

..... Some day.

A wonderful mom ...

Photo taken December 2007: Roisin with daughters Danielle (14), Bridget (12) and Jane (6)

Today was a tough day -- the girls now know that their mom is out of chemotherapy options. They know she has weeks or months to live....the sadness of it all is so overwhelming. Roisin is facing this road with amazing grace & I truly mean that. She is focused on getting things prepared for the girls & spending time with them in these final days. It is such a difficult place. So for those of you that pray - please pray that the Lord would give Roisin many good days with the girls -- days where she has some energy & strength to still be the mom that these three beauties need.

Back Home ....

Looks like China will get through paperwork from Jan. 9th, 2006 .... depressing but I have no control over any of this. I have to look at the positive side ... at least they haven't closed their international adoption program (although it feels like they have!). If the 9th comes to fruition, we are inching along with 17 days of paperwork in front of us in line. Only 17 days of paperwork & still months to go.

We had an awesome (and very exhausting) trip to the East Coast. In six days we covered 3 cities: Philadelphia, NYC & Washington DC. I am beyond tired. We stayed up late every night & got up early every morning....but it was so much fun & truly a once in a lifetime kind of trip! On the way from NYC to DC, another niece, Sarah, that lives in Philadelphia, joined us for our trip in DC. It was so great to be with my 2 eldest nieces (Danielle, that lives close by in California & Sarah, that lives in Philadelphia). Danielle's best friend, Cheyenne, was great to travel with -- she has manners, a caring heart & lots of giggles. I just love her braces, big smile & "peace sign" in almost every photo.

We landed back in California on Sunday night & by the time I landed, I came back with an extra "souvenier" from our trip: Bell's Palsy on the left side of my face. It had started to develop the day before we left but really began to display itself as we flew home. Oh the joy of having one side of one's face paralyzed....not!! I had this 10 years ago on the right side of my face -- after about 2 months it went away so I am really hoping the same thing happens this time. I saw the doctor yesterday & am now on a strong dose of drugs to try to kick this thing asap.

Although frustrating, bell's palsy is simply annoying ---- it is nothing like what my precious sister-in-law is enduring. My dear Roisin is meeting today with the doctor to discuss hospice care. It is hard to believe. I truly can't grasp how quickly her situation has changed from just a few months ago. Roisin's trust is in the Lord for her hope & her future. Please pray for dear Roisin -- no one is more selfless and caring. She is truly a picture of God's grace as she has been fighting hard for her 3 girls.