Much to our delight Lily & Jim arrived on Wednesday night. As soon as Lily saw me, she let go of Katie's hand & yelled "Mam" and came running to me. Oh, how my heart was soooo happy!!! I just cried -- finally being able to hold my most precious gift from China. Thank you, Lord!!! It had been one month & 4 days. Unbelievable.
Truly, it is to Kim's credit that Lily even knows me at this point. Kim shows her pictures of Hannah & I all the time & tells her how much we love her. Thanks, Kim .... I just can't imagine walking this nightmare of a journey without you by my side as best friend, sister & "Auntie Mam". I will make sure Lily is constantly reminded of your love as she is on the East Coast for part of the summer :-)!
Friday was clinic day for Hannah. She required 2 units of packed red blood cells & a unit of platelets. I think we got there at 8am & left around 6pm. We were put into a room by ourselves because Hannah had thrown up on Thursday & has been having other intestinal issues (yes, diarrhea, if you want all the details). Towards the end of the day, the social worker came in to tell us that Hannah wouldn't be allowed back at the Children's Inn this weekend because they are testing her for C-Diff (and they can't risk a spread of that to the other kids at the children's Inn). Thinking we were about to be homeless, he told us the NIH was putting us all up in a hotel in downtown Bethesda. What a country!!
I am actually at the hotel by myself tonight because Jim took the girls up to Philadelphia to get a lot of our stuff that we left at my parent's place (we were all there on Wed / Thurs). I was going to go but just couldn't get myself together.
I am beyond done right now. Toast. Cooked. Fried. You name it ... I am a goner.
The past 7 & 1/2 months of endless hospital stays, port trauma, set-backs, etc. have just overwhelmed me. I know myself and I know I will get a "second wind" but right now I am just D-O-N-E. I had to take advantage of Jim being here & take a night as a breather for some time to myself. Time alone is very hard to come by ... as you know, 2 minutes alone in a public restroom can be a very big deal at this point in my life :-)!
I have been with Hannah 24/7. Even at night. She sleeps with me & she practically sleeps on top of me. She literally sleeps in the middle of our full size bed at the Children's Inn. Since my laptop has been broken, she even comes with me to the business center at the Children's Inn. Can you say ... I never get time alone!!!! Whatever ... waah, waaah, waah. I feel like a big complainer right now ...
Yes, I know I should just be grateful. Grateful that I have my Hannah -- and I am. Grateful that she wants me to be the one near her -- and I am. Grateful for a place to stay at the Children's Inn -- and I am. Grateful for these summer days in Maryland -- and I am.
I am grateful and I am blessed in so many ways.
But I am exhausted. I am not Superwoman. No matter what Alicia Keys says.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Not Superwoman
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P.S. -- Dad, Happy Birthday!!! You make 72 years look very good while you are out there in the East Coast humidity doing yard work & upkeep. I love you & thank God for the amazing gift of you as my daddy. Your love has been such an incredible example of our Heavenly Father's love & care for His children. Thank you for all you do to love each of us girls and our kiddies! None of us would be who we are today without your constant support & encouragement!
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12 comments:
You need a hug and a good long cry. I can give you a virtual hug...but also know I'm keeping you guys in my prayers. Gosh...I'm so sorry you're going through all this!
With Love,
Beth
Debbie, the good news is that none of us expect you to be superwoman! Although I survived a decade in Siberia, and consider myself a pretty tough woman, in your place, I would have been toast, done, dosvidanya, a long time ago... so I read and wonder how you survive. I also am one of those that "requires" (ha!) alone time, and I can only begin to guess at how hard it is not to have that for such an extended period. It doesn't mean we don't love those near us, it's just a need like eating is a need. So here's to "emotional diets", for the way they make us skinny (emotionally) and grouchy, and tougher, than we ever thought we could be. I love you, sis! Thank you for letting us pray with you about the 'real stuff'.
Debbie, the good news is that none of us expect you to be superwoman! Although I survived a decade in Siberia, and consider myself a pretty tough woman, in your place, I would have been toast, done, dosvidanya, a long time ago... so I read and wonder how you survive. I also am one of those that "requires" (ha!) alone time, and I can only begin to guess at how hard it is not to have that for such an extended period. It doesn't mean we don't love those near us, it's just a need like eating is a need. So here's to "emotional diets", for the way they make us skinny (emotionally) and grouchy, and tougher, than we ever thought we could be. I love you, sis! Thank you for letting us pray with you about the 'real stuff'.
You are absolutely "due" to have breakdowns...of course you are grateful, it's not about that...it's about your sanity. And that's completely unrelated to gratefulness. Hope you enjoyed your time to yourself, no matter how short it was.
I'm so glad you are getting to spend some time with your little Lily. Praying for your time together as a family.
Dorogaya Debichka, the good news is that no one expects you to be Superwoman! If I were in your place I would have been toast, fried, dosvidanya, a long time ago, so I read and I muse on the grace of God that you're doing as well as you are. I am also one of these that values "alone time" -- for me it's like the need for food. You can do without it, but just like when you're on a severe diet, you're gonna really feel it. So you're getting emotionally really really skinny and even malnourished, but you're probably getting really amazingly tough too, from being stretched way more than you ever thought possible. Thanks so much for letting us pray for you in a real way, Debbie. I love you sis!
Debbie,
Certainly don't be too hard on yourself. I don't have any idea how you have made it this far- you do what you must, I'm sure! SO glad that Jim is there so that you can have a little re-grouping and then back to your girls! (So nice to make it plural)!! I know everything will be okay. :)
Love and prayers,
Margo
Dear Debbie, yes, you may not be superwoman but you have given over and above what anyone can imagine. Sounds like you are running on empty...and need to plug in and recharge. I'm glad you can do that with some alone time. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love, inge
YES you are Superwoman but even Superwoman gets knocked down by kriptonite. That is what this journey of the last 7 1/2 months has been, Kriptonite.
It's okay to be tired, it's great that you had Jim to give you a much deserved moment to yourself. If I was there, after we slept all day we would get massages, dinner and a few drinks. So know my dear friend, my heart is with you.
I love your honesty!! I can not IMAGINE your last 7 1/2 months (and all the months (years) before with your adoption wait). You have been on a roller coaster for long enough. I pray that this works for Hannah and you get to get off this ride and sit back and enjoy your family!!!
Hugs
Oh Debbie - I wish there was a way you could get a LONG WEEKEND OF SLEEP! Praying for you!
OH Debbie, I'm so sorry...I am lifting you up right now in prayer...hang tight..Believe it or not this IS God's plan for you...understand it or not it IS and WILL make sense one day. You are a hero to your sweet Hannah and Lily! God Bless you and yours! Love Amy R
I miss you both so much!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for my surprise! I went to the beach last weekend and wore my pretty new flip flops all weekend long!!!
I don't think I'll get to see you before I leave for DisneyWorld, but I will keep you both in my prayers! We'll have to plan another outing when I get back.
Love,
Lady
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